So I came to think that maybe there's a reason why my humor's been changing this much lately, and it crossed my mind that I might be using my insomnia as a channel for my fears and insecurities. Not that I want that to happen, au contraire, this lies amongst the most maddening sensations I have ever experienced, and believe me or not, I've been through quite a bit of madness up to now. Maybe I am just being paranoid, maybe there's nothing wrong... Maybe I should just leave things being, instead of tearing myself into pieces while breaking my mind to find out what should be fixed. Soon enough, nothing but rags will remain... What if they only remain to find out that nothing needed to be fixed? What if I have passed through all of this in vain, or worse, created a problem from where there was none, and ruined every single bit of hope that might have existed?
Maybe I should care less, give less, sacrifice myself less... Maybe it would help me be, avoid scarring me even more than I already am. Problem is that I have no idea on how to change, whether if I want to change... I'd rather hope I could find what I seek whilst being me, and hope to be accepted and appreciated for who I am... Maybe I'll spend the rest of forever trying to figure out who I am.
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